DIVORCE: Uncoupling the Knot

The stigma surrounding divorce has significantly diminished over the years, and it has increasingly become a common choice embraced by many couples. People often decide to end their marriages for various reasons, ranging from trivial ones like personal happiness and lost sparks to more serious issues such as infidelity and abuse. The prevailing notion is that marriage is a contract that can be terminated if love wanes or if a new and exciting connection is discovered elsewhere.

The thought of no longer having your beloved as your life partner, constantly reminded that they are still alive but will no longer be a part of your daily existence, is a haunting reality that accompanies the decision to seek a divorce. Whether you find yourself initiating the process, being served with divorce papers, or both partners mutually agreeing to separate, there will inevitably be a measure of pain associated with this choice.

The topic of divorce is complex and sensitive, eliciting differing opinions and convictions from individuals. Many prefer to avoid discussing it altogether to avoid appearing judgmental. I am well aware that going through a breakup, separation, or divorce is far from an easy experience. Listening to those who have endured it or are currently navigating the process is truly heart-wrenching, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. However, it remains a part of the marital narrative that we must confront.

By the grace of God, I have been involved in preparing couples for marriage through the Beyond I Do program, officiating weddings, counseling couples, offering coaching and therapy, overseeing separations, reconciliations, and even the difficult decision of divorce. When you fall in love and say those sacred words, "I Do," you hold the hope in your heart and mind that this union will last a lifetime, until death do you part. Amidst the abundance of advice and well-wishes, you embark on a new chapter in your own home.

Most of us fail to fully comprehend the implications of our vows and the concept of permanence. Thus, when storms inevitably arise (and they will—note to singles), our instinctive reaction, rather than a thoughtful response, is to consider leaving our spouse—the very person we pledged to remain faithful to. Perhaps you find yourself in the midst of a heated argument, feeling the urge to walk away from the life you've built due to overwhelming pain and turmoil. The desire to escape becomes overwhelming.

If you find yourself seeking answers or guidance during this difficult time, I offer a few suggestions. Firstly, several churches now offer Divorce Care classes, which I strongly encourage you to attend. These classes will guide you through the uncoupling process, offering support and understanding. Secondly, consider seeking therapy. Qualified counselors and coaches, including myself, are here to accompany you on this journey. Do not underestimate the potential impact on your mental and emotional well-being if you ignore the need for therapy. Unresolved issues can manifest in unhealthy ways, leading to depression, anger issues, and bitterness.

Next, it is crucial to distance yourself from toxic friends and family members who only fuel the fire between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse. While some may have good intentions, their influence can be akin to slow-acting poison. It is normal for them to take sides, but this is the time when you need support and empathy rather than venomous remarks. Remove them from your life now.

When feeling vulnerable, it is essential to resist the temptation to jump into another relationship. There may be opportunistic individuals who offer their support, both emotionally and physically, claiming to understand your pain better than your ex ever did. However, engaging in a rebound relationship can lead you into an emotional abyss with long-lasting consequences. Focus on healing yourself first.

If children are involved, do your best to shield them from the chaos and avoid involving them in your conflicts. They are already hurting, so strive