NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?

#Ladies Strap up, because this one is gonna be a bumpy ride and it might sting a little bit. If it does then I'm talking about you or someone you know, if it doesn't then you're good.

I'm also aware of the fact that it's not all women, but a good number of them and if we are to do a poll here, then ....

I have seen a common trend that follow many girls from my days as a single young man, when I started getting involved in campus ministry in two universities, my days as a pastor and now as a relationship coach and counselor.... I see the same pattern repeat itself over and over.

First and foremost as ladies you all have a gift that we men don't have; that's intuitive perception and emotional intelligence. Your right brain is higher than ours and therefore you can smell a sketchy dude, a player, a bad boy from a mile away even without evidence. You can tell that this guy has no real intentions of making a commitment. Please tell me that I'm lying.

I recently watched a clip online where 12 girls from different social and religious backgrounds were being asked about bad boys and nice guys and all except one said that they like the bad boy drama and would find a nice guy boring.

Now, it's understandable that you may fall for one or maybe two guys because your emotions got the better part of you, but 4,5 or ten guys and all of them have a common character trait??? By the time you're at guy number 4, you haven't learnt your lesson?

Help me understand, what makes you go back to the same guys that constantly hurt you, demean you, break your heart or just want to get your cookie and then they ghost you?

Then later in your mid 30s and early 40s you wake up and now want the 'good guys' bila drama!?!? But by now most of those good guys are taken, they have settled down and they're committed to their marriages. The few who are left are not interested in you because you have collected some baggage from the guys that you have been with and now you're skeptical about guys, you have trust issues, insecurities, abandonment issues and the like.

....but somehow in your 20s, you fall for these types of jamaas even when you can sense that he is upto no good. Like a sheep being led to the slaughter, you will fall for their lies and antics.

My theory is this, I think most ladies want a full flawless package in one person. They crave for the rush and the thrill of the bad dude and yet at the core of their hearts, they desire the stability of a nice guy....Pick one, you cannot have it all. There isn't a near perfect guy anywhere

Stop ignoring the guy in your DMs or trying to get you for coffee and give him a chance to see where this will go Stop looking beyond him and going for the bad boy. You don't want him even though your gut tells you that he is a gem and much more.

Think about this, 1- harness your flex game. Ladies, I have said this a million times, you are smarter than men, don't ignore your gut. If in doubt, pray about it and God will confirm it in your heart. 2 - don't follow your heart! The person who told you that is probably a man, or a musician, a poet or a married person. I repeat do not follow your heart. It is deceptive and desperately wicked Jeremiah 17:9 3 - mature ladies please teach the younger girls on how to avoid the mistakes that you did. They stand a higher chance of listening to you than me because I'm disruptive and I haven't spent a minute being a lady. 4 - if this resonates with you, please note that your fate is not sealed, you can still redeem yourself. Acknowledge your past and your role in lowering your standards by saying YES, to the clueless jamaas who dated you. Deal with with your skeletons (ALL OF THEM) before jumping into the next relationship because chances are, you will make the same mistake by attracting yet another wrong character or you might prey on some nice (unfortunate) guy and expect him to heal you because he will become your dumping ground for all emotional baggage that resides in your heart. If the two of you get married, then you will live in my DM or counseling sessions lamenting about each other for a quite sometime.

...and now to the guys!!